I am foolish. I ask for things I don’t need. I cry out for relief when you want to give me a deeper faith. I beg for an easy solution now when the best solution is just around the corner. Please don’t answer my prayers.

The Israelites got their prayers answered. In Numbers 14:2 they said, “If only we had died in Egypt or here in the wilderness.” You gave them what they asked for. You answered their prayer. In 14:28-29 you said that since they wanted to die in the wilderness, they would.

Your plan for us is ALWAYS better for us than our plan. Your ways are ALWAYS better than our ways.

Please help me remember this when you don’t answer me as I hoped you would. Please help me to trust that when you don’t do what I ask it is only because of your great love for me.

Please, Lord, don’t answer my prayers!

My mom and grandma were visiting me this week, so I brought them with me to MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers).  It was so wonderful to have them with me, until we got home and I tried using the Love and Logic strategies I had been taught.  Our speaker talked about giving your child choices, so I prepared to implement his suggestions right away.  My son had a box of cereal and the peelings from a cutie that he left out.  I asked him if he would like to put away the cereal box or throw away the trash.  He chose the trash and promptly threw it away.  I got into a conversation and didn’t even realize for a few minutes that I was still holding the box of cereal in my hands.  I didn’t realize it until my grandma said, “He did his part, now are you going to do yours and put the cereal away?”

Ouch!

You see, I am not used to that level of accountability.  I live 1,000 miles from my extended family.  I have close friends at church, but they don’t see the day-in-day-out me.  My husband likes to keep the peace in our household, so he rarely picks a fight.  And most importantly, I am the mother.  My children have to do what I say.  So there is really no one who gets to make sure I do the things I say I will do.

While this can be a good thing, it is a dangerous thing too.  I think we all need a little accountability.  Left to our own devices all the time we have a tendency to become lazy or selfish or gluttonous or overly concerned with appearances.  We all have sins that tend to haunt our lives that are just waiting to gain a foothold.  When we are accountable to people, we are more likely to keep those sins at bay.  But when we think no one will notice, it is much easier to give in to temptation, whatever that temptation may be.

So although I didn’t much like being called on the carpet for not doing what I told my son I would, it was nice to have someone there who was comfortable enough in our relationship to lovingly scold me.

I got a traffic ticket the other day.  (It just so happened it was the same week our pool blew away in a wind storm and our flatscreen tv got busted by a curtain rod, but that is a blog post for a later day.)  Today I started taking my online drivers course that will reduce my ticket price and keep my insurance from going up.  As I was reading the materials, it dawned on me that marriage can be like driving.

The instructors said that people drive so much that they become familiar with it.  As their driving comfort level rises, they forget to pay attention.  The very same thing can happen in a marriage if you let it.

If you have been together very long at all, you might be taking your spouse for granted.  You no longer eagerly await his arrival home, but instead greet him with a peck on the cheek and ask what came in the mail.  Forget those long talks about places you would like to travel some day.  Now you just exchange information about how much your car needs new brakes.  Gone are the days of long walks holding hands.  Now when you get to the grocery store you send him one way to grab the batteries and light bulbs while you get the milk and bread.

It is great to be comfortable in your marriage.  You want to feel like you can be yourself around your husband—sweatshirts and fuzzy slippers included.  It is important, though, that you pay attention to your spouse and your marriage.

In both driving and marriage, lack of attention can lead to some costly and hurtful situations.

My husband and I noticed a funny phenomenon the other day. There are some times when I not only expect him to disagree with me, I actually want him to!

We all do it. We ask a question or make a statement that is worded so that if your spouse were to agree we would be mad.

“I look terrible in this shirt, don’t I?”

“This lasagna I made tastes horrible!”

And he does it too.

“I didn’t deserve that promotion at work anyway.”

“I am starting to go bald, aren’t I?”

Now I am all for telling the truth. I am not telling you to lie to your spouse. I AM telling you that some questions need to be answered with more care than others. If you get one of these tricky questions, think what would be the most loving thing to say in that situation. Here are a few examples…

“You look good, honey, but you look super-sexy in your blue one.”

“It doesn’t taste as awesome as it usually does when you make it, but it is still way better than my mom’s, or cafeteria food, or fast food).”

“Of course you deserve the promotion. I know soon your boss will see the same potential I see in you.”

“I don’t notice it at all, but even if you go as bald as a cue ball you will still be sexy!”

It is great to know how to answer when your spouse asks that type of question of you. It is even more helpful when you warn your spouse that type of question is coming. I have caught myself making a statement that I want him to disagree with. I will then signal him—“What do you think of the new recipe I tried? Keep in mind that I worked on it all day.” He then knows how to respond appropriately. Yes, it would be better if we were all ready for the cold, hard truth at all times and would not take offense. However, I know myself and sometimes I ask not because I want the truth but because I want affirmation. Keep your ears out for those types of moments in your marriage. If you tread softly, you can prevent a lot of arguments.

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